On My Own

At least for today. My workout partner is not around today so I'm going to run without her today.  I workout after work, which is a very different environment from home.  Here, there are more people and I get really self-conscious of being looked at as I run.  It is kind of uncomfortable, there I admit it!  But seriously, it is extremely uncomfortable and sometimes I feel as if I'm being judged!  OK, so my self-consciousness is showing.  I can be that way at times.  I try to be a confident person, especially now that I am much older and I am no longer a bungling teenager, but it will sometimes rear its ugly head, such as in moments like these!  I was shy growing up, with a little dash of bravado thrown in from time to time....maybe more than a little bit!

However, all this self-consciousness is  another way that our society confuses us isn't it?  We are so keen on what others think about us, how we might look or appear to even a stranger, we sometimes forget to be ourselves.  This is when I get into my own head, and I might end up having a bad run outside!  Because I'm thinking about how others see me. I'm not the athletic type.  I'm not fit, I am however trying to get there.  When I see other more perky (to use a word) half-nakedly clad women running, most of them more than half my age, I do get self-conscious!  I am after all only human! 

But we do have to find ourselves, find our own voice and discover who we are and be confident and proud at what we see.  This is what I'm trying to teach my own children, and this is what I still strive to teach myself, even if I should have known this by now!  I do, but telling myself this time and again, will keep me grounded!  Off I go, I'll let you know how it goes!