A moment of honesty here dear reader. Not that I haven't been honest with myself, or you. I'm realizing that I have not been as true to myself. Oh, I've been trying. I've been trying really hard, but I've just been going with the flow, living in the moment. And there's nothing wrong with living in the moment at all. But it seems to me that I have not been true to who I am.
Everyone have their issues, and moments in their lives that makes it difficult for them to be who or what they want to be. To focus on themselves. Believe me I've had my issues, and still do. I've also not been focusing on me. Although I have a family life, and a working life, I do try to squeeze moments of leisure, though those moments have been fewer and fewer. Perhaps I've taken the easy road, "I'm too busy focusing on our lives; on my children" (guiding them to where they need to be) especially since for the last twelve months, all I've done is limp along trying to handle several balls that have been thrown at me; health, finances, family, my son who is at a turning point and really needed guidance to help him to focus has been one of them. Listen, your children are your children, no matter what when they hurt, you hurt, when they need you, you have to be there for them. But you must never lose sight of yourself. You also cannot do it on your own, don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. And, sometimes, some people are filled with good intentions, but those intentions are not always meaningful.
As a mom I get stressed, but I've practically abandoned the things that helps me to relax and handle the stresses in my life better. Exercise! You've read my workout blogs, I am practically on cloud 9 when I am working out. My outlook is better, I feel better, I'm great to be around! LOL! And as a wife, well, yes, the stress is there too, so working out is a thing my hubby knows that I enjoy and he encourages me to do it, reminding me when I forget. Hey, he's also reaped the benefits of my being physically better! (I nag less!bwwhahahaha!) (smile)
Putting all that aside, one thing I've realized is that I've almost practically given up on my own dreams. Maybe not given up, but they were shoved so far under the rug that I didn't even look at them anymore. I've been distracted and when I'm distracted, I lose focus on the "big picture".
Writing is another way that I relax, that's why I blog. Even if I didn't have anyone reading, (thank you !:) ) I would still be writing. Being able to put my thoughts down on paper, which I've always done, (in a diary) has always helped me to keep sane; and yes, even to stay focus. I wasn't writing online as often as I used to. Not quite the meaningful and thought-provocative blogs I like to do anyway! I even kinda lost the joy in honing my blog site to what I want it to be.
Being myself, my sense of style, my outlook, even got impeded. Oh yes, there were those moments of flair and "Oh, I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks I look like, I'm wearing this.."....now that's my Brooklyn-ite attitude! Being blinded by how I thought others would see me, because their sense of style is not my own. And also, how I felt others perceived where I am (we are) in our lives right now, no trappings of successes, at least their types of trappings; crippled me more than I realized!
So you see, all that, all of it leads to a big pile of poop! Yep, the poop that got splattered all over the walls, the floors, the ceilings of my life. And when it affected my life, it affected our lives, because I wasn't being true to myself.
I have come to realize dear reader, that when I'm fed up, really fed up, I move mountains. I take no prisoners and I get what I want done! (and that's not bragging...I'll keep those stories to myself). The point of this writing is to say that I am so over what I've been swallowing lately, the BS of what life seems to be giving out. The bullshit of other people who seem to do nothing but talk the talk but can't ever walk their talk! And the strings that seem to be holding me like a puppet so much so that I don't function well. I'm so tired of my own inability to function when I'm distracted. Oh those distractions will keep happening, but it's time to grab them by the balls and cage them! You can turn your life around and put yourself in the direction you want to go. You must remember to count your blessings, and remember that your successes are yours and they are your blessings, even if no one else seems to think so.
Hey, we can't all keep up with the Joneses. Heck, the Joneses are there trying to keep their own roof over their heads! Make a plan, write it down and stick to it as much and as carefully as you can. Don't make too much of a big list at first. Make a small one and just do it! I plan to. Much like how I've been living lately, I will take it day by day, month by month and I know I am not alone, my feet don't touch the ground, because I walk in the path of those quiet footsteps, and I always will - finding my way back to me.
Everyone have their issues, and moments in their lives that makes it difficult for them to be who or what they want to be. To focus on themselves. Believe me I've had my issues, and still do. I've also not been focusing on me. Although I have a family life, and a working life, I do try to squeeze moments of leisure, though those moments have been fewer and fewer. Perhaps I've taken the easy road, "I'm too busy focusing on our lives; on my children" (guiding them to where they need to be) especially since for the last twelve months, all I've done is limp along trying to handle several balls that have been thrown at me; health, finances, family, my son who is at a turning point and really needed guidance to help him to focus has been one of them. Listen, your children are your children, no matter what when they hurt, you hurt, when they need you, you have to be there for them. But you must never lose sight of yourself. You also cannot do it on your own, don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. And, sometimes, some people are filled with good intentions, but those intentions are not always meaningful.
As a mom I get stressed, but I've practically abandoned the things that helps me to relax and handle the stresses in my life better. Exercise! You've read my workout blogs, I am practically on cloud 9 when I am working out. My outlook is better, I feel better, I'm great to be around! LOL! And as a wife, well, yes, the stress is there too, so working out is a thing my hubby knows that I enjoy and he encourages me to do it, reminding me when I forget. Hey, he's also reaped the benefits of my being physically better! (I nag less!bwwhahahaha!) (smile)
Putting all that aside, one thing I've realized is that I've almost practically given up on my own dreams. Maybe not given up, but they were shoved so far under the rug that I didn't even look at them anymore. I've been distracted and when I'm distracted, I lose focus on the "big picture".
Writing is another way that I relax, that's why I blog. Even if I didn't have anyone reading, (thank you !:) ) I would still be writing. Being able to put my thoughts down on paper, which I've always done, (in a diary) has always helped me to keep sane; and yes, even to stay focus. I wasn't writing online as often as I used to. Not quite the meaningful and thought-provocative blogs I like to do anyway! I even kinda lost the joy in honing my blog site to what I want it to be.
Being myself, my sense of style, my outlook, even got impeded. Oh yes, there were those moments of flair and "Oh, I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks I look like, I'm wearing this.."....now that's my Brooklyn-ite attitude! Being blinded by how I thought others would see me, because their sense of style is not my own. And also, how I felt others perceived where I am (we are) in our lives right now, no trappings of successes, at least their types of trappings; crippled me more than I realized!
So you see, all that, all of it leads to a big pile of poop! Yep, the poop that got splattered all over the walls, the floors, the ceilings of my life. And when it affected my life, it affected our lives, because I wasn't being true to myself.
I have come to realize dear reader, that when I'm fed up, really fed up, I move mountains. I take no prisoners and I get what I want done! (and that's not bragging...I'll keep those stories to myself). The point of this writing is to say that I am so over what I've been swallowing lately, the BS of what life seems to be giving out. The bullshit of other people who seem to do nothing but talk the talk but can't ever walk their talk! And the strings that seem to be holding me like a puppet so much so that I don't function well. I'm so tired of my own inability to function when I'm distracted. Oh those distractions will keep happening, but it's time to grab them by the balls and cage them! You can turn your life around and put yourself in the direction you want to go. You must remember to count your blessings, and remember that your successes are yours and they are your blessings, even if no one else seems to think so.
Hey, we can't all keep up with the Joneses. Heck, the Joneses are there trying to keep their own roof over their heads! Make a plan, write it down and stick to it as much and as carefully as you can. Don't make too much of a big list at first. Make a small one and just do it! I plan to. Much like how I've been living lately, I will take it day by day, month by month and I know I am not alone, my feet don't touch the ground, because I walk in the path of those quiet footsteps, and I always will - finding my way back to me.
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