How could I forget? I was wrapped so deep, knee deep in the anger I felt. The wrong that was done, that I forget that I too need to forgive. Because if I don't forgive, then I'm going to be lost, forever, in a sea of anger and resentment.
I also realized that my anger was not just directed at these people who became the bane of my existence. I was also angry at myself. AT ME! I was angry at me because of the things that I just can't seem to let go of, no matter how hard I tried. And boy have I tried. But not hard enough it seems. Then I realized that I have to be true to myself, to ME! I say that to you all of the time dear readers. I tell myself that too, coaxing myself into believing that I am practicing what I preach. I am walking the talk! But I really wasn't, not fully! I let other people get in my head. Those people who have been indifferent to who I am, as an individual, and to the ones I love. They have treated us with disrespect. And I continue to feed on their disrespect by allowing my dislike to fester. The fester became a gaping wound that crippled me in more ways than one!
When I think about it, you know what I discovered? I discovered that it didn't matter! It didn't matter because I had to let go of the pettiness, the pain, the misconceptions, the beliefs that their treatment has caused, to the ones I love, and also to me. If I was going to heal, to move forward, I had to let it go. LET THEM GO. One of the hardest things to do. We say it all of the time, "we forgive but we don't forget". But we must forget, we must forget the ignorance of people like the ones that I've been dealing with over the years. The ones who continue to do what they do regardless of the pain they cause. The ones that continue to look through their window of indifference. It didn't matter anymore! Because one day, one day all of this, all of the material stuff, all of the supposed importance of themselves, won't matter. Because we all will die one day. When that happens, we cannot take anything with us. However, we can take the joy that God has to offer, the peace that is ours when we learn to forgive.
I also realized that my anger was not just directed at these people who became the bane of my existence. I was also angry at myself. AT ME! I was angry at me because of the things that I just can't seem to let go of, no matter how hard I tried. And boy have I tried. But not hard enough it seems. Then I realized that I have to be true to myself, to ME! I say that to you all of the time dear readers. I tell myself that too, coaxing myself into believing that I am practicing what I preach. I am walking the talk! But I really wasn't, not fully! I let other people get in my head. Those people who have been indifferent to who I am, as an individual, and to the ones I love. They have treated us with disrespect. And I continue to feed on their disrespect by allowing my dislike to fester. The fester became a gaping wound that crippled me in more ways than one!
When I think about it, you know what I discovered? I discovered that it didn't matter! It didn't matter because I had to let go of the pettiness, the pain, the misconceptions, the beliefs that their treatment has caused, to the ones I love, and also to me. If I was going to heal, to move forward, I had to let it go. LET THEM GO. One of the hardest things to do. We say it all of the time, "we forgive but we don't forget". But we must forget, we must forget the ignorance of people like the ones that I've been dealing with over the years. The ones who continue to do what they do regardless of the pain they cause. The ones that continue to look through their window of indifference. It didn't matter anymore! Because one day, one day all of this, all of the material stuff, all of the supposed importance of themselves, won't matter. Because we all will die one day. When that happens, we cannot take anything with us. However, we can take the joy that God has to offer, the peace that is ours when we learn to forgive.
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