Ramblings of Expectations

When you build up the expectations of what you want to do and you realize that it's just not happening, no matter how many different ways you look at it and try to solve the equation.  You realize it is just not working, not now! That can be very frustrating!

So what do you do?  Go into despair, perhaps.  Depression? No. Just maybe a little feeling of dejection. Yet it makes you sad because at the same time you feel melancholy.  Because you wanted to do so much than you can do right now.  It is especially at times like these that I find I miss some of the ones that I love the most (not my immediate loves that is, aka hubby & kids & gran); I miss my siblings; and I feel the melancholy pull of the loss of my parents.  Then I miss my girlfriends, the ones who used to be close but have somehow pulled away.  

Everyone seems to be going through one thing or the other right now and I wish I could fix their situations to make it work for them, just like I wish I could fix mine. And mend this broken heart of mine. Broken not from love, I have plenty of that, rather just from the loss I feel at times.

And as I get older and my hubby gets older, and we both look at each other and our children and wonder what will be for them, for us, this Life?  You want to make this world perfect for them. You want to reach out and pluck all those people who are out there in the world doing maddening things that just doesn't make sense and put them in their place and yell at them to quit it or else!  You want to remind these assholes to remember the children who need the adults in their lives to make this world a secure place for them!  

How do you make it that way?  The world, a better place.   All I can do is take care of my own, and give them a sense of stability in their lives and shower them with love, lots of it.  And no matter the disappointments, the things that do happens sometimes, that we have no control over, to let them know everything is going to be alright and that we love them endlessly and selflessly.

Sometimes I wish for the simpler times again.  The times when the world wasn't so caught up in technology and everything that happens to make it better; yet these very things that seems to make it all so complicated. Because it seems the more advance the world gets, the more skepticism and selfishness abounds. 

People have no time for each other anymore. Emotions and religion and anything that makes us human seem to be a bad thing.   Because some people would rather walk around and be the careless and selfish oafs they are, and will continue to be for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes rambling on is therapeutic because it’s as if you’re pacing, up and down in a maddening fashion, talking to no one in particular.  Just voicing your thoughts. And it makes you think and calms you down.    You take a breath and know that this moment too shall pass. This moment in time that makes everything seems so out of control. It won't be forever.  And thank heavens for those whom you can turn to for the love and laughter you need in your life! And thank heavens for the best girlfriends who are still around just a phone call away to grow old with you!    ~smiles~