Remembering your Sweatiquettes

Wherever you are right now you are probably experiencing some really cold weather! Then again, the way this weather pattern has been lately, you've probably been from snow storm, to freezing to balmy!  Even here in Florida, we have had cold spells, balmier days, and back to the hot sweltering weather!

There’s something that has to be mentioned as we go about our business trying to keep sane and dress appropriately for the weather in our city.  For those amongst you dear readers (or you may know someone), who don’t wear deodorant, now is the time to do it (tell them to)!  Take my word for it, you do not want to be accosted by or be down wind of someone who is having a bad day and is not wearing deodorant. Especially if that person only believes in showering once a week!

You have to remember your manners.  What manners am I talking about?  Why your “Sweatiquette”(s)!  That is, your way of keeping your cool and being dignified in times like these!

So here are some tips for you courtesy of Jo Piazza from an article in the New York Daily News, some time ago!

“DRIPPING DILEMMA #1: You're confronted with a sweaty friend who wants to give you a bear hug after he's been percolating on a subway platform for 20 minutes. A normal greeting suddenly turns supremely awkward as you see the drops glistening on his brow and dripping down his neck. Suddenly, fear grips you, as you are forced to encounter the beast in front of you. There is no way out. “

What do you do?

Joe suggests that you give this person an arm hug.  You make the first move and grab this person by the forearms.  This will keep your bodies apart and you can give air kisses if you must.  This way you haven’t offended your friend by not hugging him or her. 

“DRIPPING DILEMMA #2: You'd like to curtail the moisture but are unsure what level of personal sweat management is okay. Fanning oneself? Fully mopping the brow with a bar napkin? “

What do you do without bathing the person next to you or splashing someone in passing?

Never, ever use a napkin.  Not only don’t they not work (take my word for it – you’ll end up with gobs of paper all over your face), a napkin is inadequate.  Joe suggests using a hand fan.  You will have a variety to choose from.  He suggests the type that your grandmother would use while sitting in church, those Asian inspired delicate looking creations.  And they do work, I used to have one (until my daughter got hold of it)!   If that’s too feminine for you he-men out there you can get the battery operated hand kind!

And do carry around a handkerchief with you if fans are too delicate for your sweaty pores.  Forget handkerchief, I suggest a towel if you’re the heavy-dripping kind!

“DRIPPING DILEMMA #3: You're the yucky one and dripping wet. “

This would be me after running around outside, trying to get things done.  Usually it’s not so bad for me because I stay calm and visualize the Arctic or a long cool draft, slightly frozen (Aaah) and this usually does keep me from sweating too much while everyone around me is complaining and really wet!  

When you’re really sweating profusely, give your friends a warning to let them know you can’t hug them or give a hand shake or do whatever you usually do to greet them because you’re sweaty.  Joe says to not mention how hot it is because this only brings attention to how hot and sweaty you actually are. And one more thing, never ever say you’re sweating like a pig. Because pigs don’t sweat, they have no sweat glands. 

“DRIPPING DILEMMA #4: What is the protocol when you start getting hot and heavy when it's actually hot and heavy?  Sweating in the bedroom is a given, but dropping buckets while getting down isn't always the sexiest! “

Can you imagine getting busy with your other half and you’re sweating like a p….oops, I mean sweating bullets!
How unattractive is that and quite a turn off don’t you think?!

While you know that at the end of all that coupling you’re definitely going to be hot and sweaty (if you’re not even breaking a sweat then I don’t know what to tell you!).  

Joe suggests the thing to do is to keep cool by turning on the air condition ahead of time or have a fan in the room.

And of course a cool drink would be good too!  He also suggests that if you’re in a relationship and you’re at the person’s home you make a joke of “working up a sweat – wink, wink” because you will anyway!

“DRIPPING DILEMMA #5: You drip sweat on someone. “

Thank heavens this has never happened to me!  But if it does happen to you, Joe says to just say how sorry you are and offer your handkerchief.

I’ve also got one thing to say, we might need to go out and buy some handkerchiefs!  At this rate we’re all going to have to carry a box around with us!

So there you have it.  Although you might not think you will need to!  If you get caught in wilting away, just remember your sweatiquettes and you’ll know exactly what to do!