Catching My Breath: Questions and Reflections

Sometimes there is no where to turn

How have you been dear readers? I've been in deep reflection and I discovered that at some time in my life I lost focus of my big picture. I was experiencing issues that made me question myself, my life, and my choices, this is why I felt burnt out.  I was also tired of other people and the crap they kept slugging! I'm very intuitive and emphatic and I wasn't channeling these feelings in the manner that worked with who I was as an individual. I had to accept that there was a dream that I had for myself and I hadn't made it happen up to this point in my life.  For so many reasons I just didn't harness the powers or the drive that I had to make the things I wanted to do happen for me and because of this I lost faith in myself. That's the honest truth.

Over the years my focus became my family, as it should be, being a wife and mother. Everything I did and still do, I do for them. Being able to guide my children to be what they are trying to be, became my focus. I'm very proud of where they are in their life as they continue their journeys.  And of course, as it is in life, other things happened along the way, including the biggest effect on my life, the death of both my parents. Illnesses and other eventful happenings affected me in ways that I cannot say.  When things kept hitting closer to home, my better half and his turmoil, also became my focus.

Many things got lost along the way, including a couple of the friendships that I have had for as long as I can remember, and I tried holding on to them. The confusion of some people in my life and their issues and agendas became my burden, unknowingly.  It left me perplexed. You begin to wonder if it is you; "What did I do wrong?" And I kept asking myself,  "Why do I continue to even care when the other person doesn't?"  I was also experiencing dissatisfaction even in my career, which really wasn't a career, or was it?  So yes, the confusion abounded!

I love what I do. I don't like what has become of where I am right at this moment. That  much is all I'm going to say. You might say, well if you're unhappy, why don't you do something about it? Well I am. This is why I'm in deep reflection and took a break to figure things out.  I haven't quite made up my mind yet, but I'm almost there. When you get to this point of confusion, you need a little help to figure things out. Sometimes when it seems there is no where to turn, you have to find your way through the maze.