Quotable Quotes

You know, sometimes I get too "heavy" in my writings. I've been a bit heavy lately, haven't I dear readers?  It's a combination of a lot of things. Some observations, some conversations, some what I've read, and some  venting.  Hey, I write, whatever the end results is...what you read!   So many people have been feeling disen-franchised lately - maybe not the right word to use..., life all over I guess.....~drags on imaginary ciggy~ (though she hates it!) and  yes, I'm now speaking in the third person...see what I mean about the end results?!    Hey, you're supposed to laugh at that!

Here are some great quotes I found and thought I would share with you. [I don't remember where I found them, must have been an email I received!) Some are laugh out loud. Some makes you scratch your head, and the rest...well, you be the judge! ~[Puts microphone done, takes a swig of beer, exits left]~

1) "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died

peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his

car."

--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a

headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"

and "Keep away from children."

--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?

There's a support group for that.

It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a

desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun

with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."

--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly Ball and saving

an infant's life, she will choose to save The infant's life without

even considering if there is a man on base."

--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should

treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave

you, they should give you two weeks' notice. 
There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you,

they should have to find you a temp."

--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone Took her out in the lake

and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't

trying to teach you how to swim.' "

--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women Have better verbal

skills than men. I just want to say to The authors of that

study: 'Duh.'"

--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant??

I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I

could be eating a slow learner."

--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch Of people in New

York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the Crime and the poverty, but it just

isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"

--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all The

impersonators would be dead."

--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."

--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned

sixty and that's the law."

--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of

fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest

to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people

burn slower?"

--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.

Monogamy is the same."

--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were A member of

Congress.. But I repeat myself."

--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At

least they can find Afghanistan."

--A. Whitney Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give

you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've

thought of that!'"

--Dave Barry

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